The other shoe is in hand

For last few months, we at the Aerie Institute have been waiting for some enterprising company to pick up a brilliant business idea which has been making regular news. Unfortunately, either due to recession, or some other reason, nobody has picked up on it. So, we thought, why not us?

Imagine the scenario: you are sitting in a press conference given by a Famous Person, and fuming at the way things are going in there. You want to vent, but almost everything a journalist has at hand (including the journalist himself) makes for a very poor projectile weapon. And  before you know it, you are suddenly walking unbalanced, with just one shoe on.

That’s why, we are proud to present: Feko Shoe.

Each Feko shoe is manufactured with carefully tested toe to heel ratio, and extensively researched aerodynamic profile which give it the best flight characteristics. Studies have shown Feko shoes get 80% more range and 50% more accuracy than normal shoes*.

Another disturbing trend can be noticed in the news: none of the shoes in the news have hit the target. Which is why there is Feko Premium, armed with “Throw and Forget ^TM” technology. With one flick of a switch, the Feko Premium will hit the speaker with unerring accuracy. The target can be locked on manually quite easily (so that you don’t end up standing up with a shoe in your hand, looking like an idiot), or the automatic targeting system will take over in case there is no manual input. Want to vent, but don’t want violence? No worries. Just turn the switch to “Miss” and the shoe will miss the target very closely, no matter what.

Both the standard and premium versions come in easy to carry collapsed form, which can be easily popped up into action readiness. After all, you don’t want to carry a shoe box with you everywhere, do you now? Plus, the faux leather material is completely bio-degradable, making the shoe quite environment friendly.

As a buyer of Feko Shoe, you also get a chance to enroll in our Shoe Throwing training, where experts from military and sports field will teach you to be the perfect shoe thrower. Our instructors may not have thrown any shoes, but believe us, they have accurately chucked quite a few solid objects at their targets in their career.

Please note the singular in all the paragraphs before. After all, with Feko, you don’t need to carry a backup to get your point across.

But for the cautious and overzealous amongst you, as a limited time offer, every Feko Premium purchase gives you a 50% discount on another Feko Premium. Having a pair is always better than a single shoe. Who knows, you may want to wear them at some point of time for some reason.

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. Don’t forget to check out our “Shoe Avoidance Force Filed” products. After all, that Feko shoe is going to make you into a Famous Person.

P.P.S. Want more career advice from Aerie Institute? Here’s your intro to “Effigy Burning” and “Spamming 101” (and Updated course).

 

* Under test conditions

Sachin: Great batsman, or Greatest batsman?

A few weeks ago, somebody took an exception to the constant usage of media’s pet phrase: “there are two Indias, one who XYZ and one who XYA” (fill in the blanks as appropriate). His point was that diversity in India can’t allow for such simple bisection. I replied:

There ARE just two Indias: One who think Sachin is a God, other who don’t.

Mind you, this was before the 175-run knock. But those who saw that piece of batting display would probably be wondering whether they were back watching Sharjah in ‘98, watching the same man demolish Australian (the same side) bowling, while the rest of the team (again) stands by thinking this is a one-man show. Not to mention, occasional wins aside, we are still being badly beaten by the same #1 side, Australia.

Well, if it is really 1998-‘99, it means I haven’t yet given my 12th std. exams, my engineering and grad school is in future, so is my first and second job. We have yet to see the greats like “Yaadein” (remember that one?) and “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna”, while Ram Gopal Verma has just one “Daud” in a line-up of Shiva, Rangeela and Satya. Then again, while my colleagues would agree that having 4 more months in Hyderabad is fun, and I am pretty comfortable about undergrad and grad school, I am not so sure I will get anywhere near the marks I got in 12th std. again. Wow, that particular fantasy didn’t last long.

So, let’s get back to the point. Before and after that knock, there has been (once again) a plethora of articles about Sachin, his place in team, his greatest hits and misses and so on. Many of his critics accuse him of playing a selfish game, point out that his first 7 runs (the ones he needed to get to 17000 mark) were very slow. Personally, I think a player who is playing for himself, not the team won’t score 168 runs after he has achieved a personal milestone. He will probably check out of the game mentally and be far away from the crease by the next ball. And seriously, if a mentally checked out Sachin plays an innings like this, I wish he would do it more often and more batsmen should start playing selfish games like him.

The other criticism is that even when he scores big, he rarely stays there till the end of the game. Then again, what says about our team when a batting line up comprising of 5 of top-50 players in ICC batting ranks (including #1) cannot together equal a single player’s contribution? One player overshadowing the entire team happens in other sports and other teams too, though I don’t believe it happens with such regularity.

So, while the critics point out his batting lows, his low strike rate series, his propensity to make one huge knock to “silence the critics” once in a while, I will reiterate my original point:

Sachin Tendulkar is a God of the cricketing population in India.

Then again, let me put that statement in perspective: Sachin is an Indian, a Hindu. And our Hindu Gods are not exactly known for their infallibility, are they? I mean, except for some notable exceptions (Ganesh), our mythology is filled with gods making mistakes, falling prey to all too human emotions (Indra, anyone?). So, cut that guy some slack. Losing against a few asuras (due entirely to the boons you gave them earlier) is all right once in a while, if on other occasions you are essentially lifting entire mountains on your hand, or decimating entire asura armies single-handed.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. This post is just a space-filler till I get back to regular programming, whatever that means for this blog.

P.P.S. Re: The header, I am aware of the futility of having “Greatest ever” debate unless it really is end of the universe for once and all. But viewers of Colbert will know where that question came from.

Exception to most of the rules

After a long break, both from blogging and the series, I think it is time we get back to the Detectives series. This time, it’s a detective who proves to be the exception to a great many rules.

Aloysius Pendergast

His Name: Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast

His Watson: (Mostly) Lt. Vincent D’Agosta

His Moriarty: (Mostly) Diogenes Pendergast

Unlike most of the book characters in the series, Special Agent Pendargast, FBI, is officially paid to solve crimes. Of course, officially he is supposed to work out of New Orleans office, but that doesn’t stop him running across the country solving the crimes he finds interesting.

Unlike the detectives living from case to case, Pendergast’s inheritance includes, apart from his prodigious mental capacity, a not inconsiderable wealth. Born and bred a Southern Gentleman, Aloysius’ mannerisms belong more to the era of Holmes and Poirot than the current crop of roguish PIs. Of course, he is also aware of his “small character flaws”, like being impatient with bureaucracy and dislike of officious fools, which he declares are hard to get rid of.

Almost albino pale skin, with his characteristic Italian black suits give him an aura of impenetrable mystery, yet for a lone man, he is extremely loyal to his few friends. He has put his own life in danger for them, and also expects (and gets) similar loyalty from them.

Many times, his brother Diogenes as related to him is compared to Moriarty. Personally, despite their relative ages, I think he is more like if “His Majesty’s accountant” Mycroft Holmes had taken on a career of crime. But given Pendergast’s other family members (his great aunt is incarcerated in a psychological institute after she poisoned her family), Aloysius as a federal agent is more of an exception than the rule in his family of geniuses.

Most of Aloysius Pendergast’s cases almost belong in supernatural world. From mythical South American tribal creatures, to old Egyptian mummies, he investigates bizarre cases involving zombies, ritualistic murders and immortal foes. Surprisingly, most of the cases take him to New York, and make you think twice before visiting the city, or Natural History Museum there. 

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. The rest in “Detectives” series…

30 Second Summaries - Bonus Edition

a.k.a. “I am feeling too lazy to write anything else” edition

 

In today's busy world, the attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. In the world of information superhighways and consequent information overloads, people don't have time to read long pages and pages of reviews of the movies they want to watch (or sometimes, even to see the actual movies), when they can just as well spend that time doing something else.

That’s why, just reading this post (investment of around 5 minutes + 1 minute for commenting) makes sure you can talk about movies which have a total viewing period of about 8-10 hours. Plus, there’s a bonus thought per movie, which makes you sound even more “deep and thoughtful” in any conversation.

So, what are you waiting for?

Dil Bole Hadippa:

Happenings in a supposedly friendly match: sledging, deliberate obstruction leading to injury, gender fraud, (which also means) identity fraud. And to top it all off, unless I am much mistaken, there’s a passport/visa fraud in there, too.

I guess it’s true Cricket is no longer the Gentleman’s Game.

Bonus thought: This, plus “Rab ne bana di jodi” means, in YRF universe, the superheroes would never need a mask, since nobody would recognise them anyways when they change into their “costume”. (And people think Lois Lane is blind)

 

Wanted:

“Wanted” has an assassin as its main character. Unfortunately, he cannot (as far as we know) curve any bullets. Which is surprising given how laws of Physics normally work in Bollywood masala.

Bonus thought: What do you think Shreyas Talpade is more embarrassed about: “Bombay To Bangkok” or sharing name with Mahesh Manjrekar’s character in this movie?

What’s your rashee?:

For the guys: Irrespective of your (and her) rashee, you will finally end up with Priyanka Chopra.

For the girls: Depending on your rashee, you may finally end up with Herman Baweja.

Bonus thought: Multiple (unrelated) characters with same face? Does this film belong in YRF universe? (see “Dil Bole…” above for details)

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

 

P.S. Some other 30 second summaries: Aug ’09, May ’09 and Dec ’08.

30 Second Summaries – Mixed Edition

Once again, we bring you the bestest and latest news in the entertainment world. And like all good things, except chocolates and ice cream, our summaries come in small, (non-digital) bite-sized packets.

You know, for those times when everybody in the group is talking about the movie you have just heard of, and you have to come up with a comment quickly before “somebody” thinks you are so ignorant. So whip out that now-old-news iPhone and…

…dive into this August (as in month, not the other meaning) Edition of 30-second Summaries:

Love Aaj Kal:

They say the dhai akshar prem ke of yore have today been replaced by 2 syllables of “Love” (kinda like how we replaced long movie reviews with 30 second summaries here, I guess).

They also say Saif Ali Khan looks like young Hrishi Kapoor from certain (camera) angles.

Agyaat:

For completely agyaat reasons,

1. film crews continue to go into creepy forests with no means of quick escape.
2. and against all reasonable laws of jungle, young females continue to go into deep forest quite alone, often wearing nothing more than bikinis or shorts.
3. ditto for men, although, praise the gods, they do it dressed more sensibly in most cases.
4. RGV continues to use loud background music in places where silence would have served a whole lot better.

G. I. Joe:

Seriously? You want the story of G. I. Joe movie? So be it. A young man finds himself torn between his duty to his country and his lost love, the tragic love story painted on the canvas of today’s world full of hate and violence, betrayal and greed.

All right, here’s the straight and narrow: G. I. Joe foils the plans for world domination by the ruthlesss terrorist organization Cobra, led by Cobra Commander, who is supported by Destro and his M.A.R.S. Industries. <EOS> Yo, Joe!

Now go forth and be knowledgeable, my friend. Then come back when you have time and tell us in comments how you fared.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. And when you have time, you may want to check out the old editions: May ’09 and Dec ’08.