Saturday, February 16, 2008


No, this is not a review of the film. I haven't yet seen the movie (nor any trailers), and I am not sure when I will watch it, since I don't know any place nearby where the movie is screened. These are just some random thoughts connected to the movie.

This movie will probably create a new famous Indian historical "pair", but that comes at the cost of another famous jodi. Where is the witty Birbal in the story? While Akbar has featured in not a few movies, Birbal has been ignored by Bollywood (even his so-called competitor Tansen got his own movie). Watching Akbar without a mention of Birbal is like watching Hardy with one of his on-screen crushes/fiance/wife. He may be is funny on his own, but he is not the Ollie we know and like without Stan goofing up things with him.

And Bollywood broke the famous Akbar-Birbal pair by matching him up with a fictional character. A character, who (as probably all know by now) was possibly his daughter-in-law, one of the wives of Jahangir. But that does not surprise me as much as it should. After all, Jahangir (when he was known as Salim) was paired off with another fictional character, in perhaps the most famous historical in Hindi film history.

Incidentally, Jeahangir and his son Shah Jahan defy the saying about art and life. Shah Jahan is famous worldwide for his Taj Mahal, Jahangir not so much. But on the other hand, almost all Bollywood lovers have heard of Mughal-e-Azam, while I doubt anybody remembers the fate of Taj Mahal.

And does this (third in the line) movie denote the start of a trend to convert the lives of Mughal emperors into film media? Akbar, his son and grandson are already covered. It would be hard to find any romance in the life of his great-grandson though. Although the marathi novel "Shehenshah" by N. S. Inamdar is a great one, everybody would agree that the last important Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb was definitely not a romantic.

So let's go up the family tree, shall we? I am sure as the exile, Humayun would definitely provide much fodder to the creative imaginations of the Bollywood. Don't tell me you can't put a romance or two in the life of the person who spent most of his life as a refugee.

So, here's to Humayun, or rather, Jodha-Akbar, till somebody have go at the idea. Ashutosh, Sanjay, Shekhar, call me and we will discuss my fees.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Single Guy's Guide to 14th Feb

This is a long post, but then the subject is even larger.

Now that the Valentine's Day is nigh, most of you will be frantically searching for someone to profess your undying love to. And since most of those people are doing this for the first time (or have been unsuccessful till now), you could all the help you can get. Remember, most of the institutions now club together this day with Rose Day, Chocolate Day, and all such days, leaving you with a single shot in a whole year to get The Girl (or a girl, as the case may be). You have to make it count.

So, we the people, who brought you such gems as this guide to first date, bring you the needy, sorry, desperate, sorry, people the "Single Guy's Guide to Valentine's Day", with tried and tested tips and tricks gathered from all across the media.

How to get the girl:

Right from the toothpaste you use (or should use) early in the morning (and hopefully, late at night), to the shaving cream, razor, after-shave, deodorant, breath-mints, everything is carefully researched and manufactured to help you get the girl you want. So really, there is not much to say here, since we don't like to reinvent the wheel. And oh, your set of wheels is also an important factor here, my friends.

Tried all that, and still the lady refused to oblige? Apparently there is an easy way out. Taking her to eat fried food has proven to transport her to an alternate universe, where she will go out with anybody who dares ask her (make sure that person is you). And it's cheap too, leaving you with enough dough for the all important day ahead.

But be careful, and use only what you can manage, as certain products may cause "biting off more than you can chew" syndrome. See advertisements for details.

The Gift Ideas:

So, you got yourself a girl, and want to keep her (at least till next year)? Gifts are the way to go here.

A simple card, or a flower bought at the last minute is proven equivalent to such thoughtful gifts as crafting a card or a gift on your own, leaving you with enough time to plan other things (or watch that match hoping we will win).

Caution: heart-shaped balloons, apart from their tendency to burst at most inopportune moment, are known to make you the brunt of jokes all year long, and even later. Avoid them if you can, or club them with a lot of other gifts.

Got money to spare? Diamonds, called "the best friend of the girl" as not so bad mates for male species either. A diamond is known to open up new avenues in your relationship (unlike most puns on this site, this is unintentional, and not just because "avenue" is a completely wrong word to use there). Not just that, based on (from what I can gather) the size, number and glitter of the stone(s), the "value" for your investment may range from a simple kiss to the approval of her friends to universal recognition.

Is the jewel of your eye still huffy? Any Bollywood (or even some Hollywood) movie will show you how to convert that simple diamond necklace into a hypnotizing tool. There are some advantages and disadvantages in trying this, but more about that later.

The Perfect Ending:

You wooed the girl, you gifted her your heart over a candle-lit dinner (thus helping save energy, making it a "pink and green Valentine"). And now you both are planning to make it a perfect ending to a perfect day (and date). Remember, it is better to be safe than sorry in such cases. All the Bollywood movies (till 90's) will show you that touching two flowers, preferably roses, together is perfect (and safest) way to achieve what you had in mind. No further comments...

Coming up next:

The Morning After: How to use the next morning to impress her further. This is where you score over all her (and her friends' boyfriends,) ex's, crushes, and everybody else.

Also, Places to avoid on Valentine's Day: Now everybody and his travel agent will tell you about the "most romantic place" to celebrate the day, but we bring you the list of places you should avoid. A sneak peek:

1. Tajmahal: All said and done, it's a 400-year-old tomb. Do you really want to spend your day in such a place?
2. Eiffel Tower: You can go there if you have 5 days to spare, so you can stand in line on 10th with all the other couples who had similar idea. But then, if you have somebody to stand in line with for 5 days, pray why are you reading this guide?

So, stay tuned for next part. And if you use this guide and are successful, don't forget to show some loyalty in the form of some royalty.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

Previously by Aerie Institute: Non-veg and Attack on Community, FNS or Fanatic about Non-issue Syndrome, The New Updated Spamming-101

Monday, February 04, 2008

That "Gedanke" Part Chapter II

In which I tell you a lot about myself, which you will wish you never knew...

  • Talking to my sister on Friday, I realised this is the first time since Germany that I am living almost truly "alone" (i.e. in a place where the nearest person I know lives 45 minutes away by car on either side). If you think that 2 years is not that long a time (even though it is slightly less that 10% of my entire lifetime), this is only third time in my entire life till now. That should give you some perspective.

  • Given point 1, what would you think my schedule on Friday night looks like? Yes, you got it: go home at 6:30 pm, and clear my laundry basket. Oh, and I decided not to go for a 8:30 pm movie because it would be too late.

  • I went to National Museum of Natural History (Smithsonian) yesterday. Apart from the normal "Do Not Touch" signs, what really interested me was that, some displays had "Please Touch" signs, along with some really interesting information. And, did I mention there were huge dino-skeletons there? Oh, does anyone remember/recognise these photos?

  • After bugging my friend remorselessly for taking a camera minus the memory stick on a holiday, I did exactly the same thing yesterday. Luckily, the stick was in my laptop, which was in my bag. I think this will teach people who laugh at me for wanting to keep my laptop with me all the time.

  • My use of a comforter often reminds me of today's party dresses. Despite there being more than enough material, the second it reaches any respectable cover in the front, I get an open back.

  • Paraphrasing a famous personality, I don't like to eat anything which can talk cute in a cartoon/film (and no, Nemo does not count, as you don't eat Clownfish). I really used to like the mini-wheat cereals by Kellogs, but since they started airing ads where the "mini-wheats" talk about their holiday and their kids, I have completely gone off them.

  • I didn't really consciously think of the impact the "Ramayan" serial had on the mythological genre in Indian Television, till I saw the episode of the "New and Improved Ramayana". Essentially the format looks almost completely like the old one (1 part dialogue, 2 part laughing/crying, 7 part songs and 10 part music), just the faces are different now. Or is it that there are only so many music directors/dialogue writers/story writers which will take on a mythological serial? Or is there a certain rule that defines the music everybody has to use to convey good news/bad news/shock? Not to mention, there was a moment in there when I expected Kaikeyee to go, "Oh Manthara, I mean... come on..."

If this was not random enough, today's quote is from a one-man show on cricket called "Maazi Phatkebaaji" (My Shots) by Shireesh Kanekar. I think I don't need to tell you the context. And I heard it a week or two ago, so it's not my laziness really that I am putting it up today.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken