Friday, September 22, 2006

What Happens In Your Bedroom At Night?

What is the best thing to do in bed at night? What are the things you should not stick in your microwave oven? What are the things that go “boom”? How much weight can you lose in 4 hours? Does the duck's quack echo? What is the best thing to drink after eating hot and spicy food? Do you really believe in science?

If you have these and similar questions, watch “Brainiac: Science Abuse”... the program where they abuse science in the name of entertainment. Or in their own words, “the program where we put science in tight underwear and give it a wedgie”.

I caught the program first when I was in Germany. Flipping channels and ruing the shortcomings in my education (to wit, not having learnt German), I came across a British program, which started off with a bang, literally. And from then on, me and my friends were totally hooked onto the program. Of course, I think it is prudent to mention that the beauties in “Explosive of the week” or the pretty professor who sees “Which fruit floats” had nothing to do with our fascination (OK, very little to do).

After coming back to India and then in US, I constantly surfed the radio waves, trying to find a channel which shows this program. Not much success, although there were some similar program on US Discovery channel (Mythbusters). I was really missing this program... and finally, after much searching I finally got the first season. Party time folks...

Now, before you flag me for “adult content”, let me tell you (at least the people who have read so far), that the answer to the question in subject line is that you lose weight (though sweating) and gain height (and also, don't believe in cassettes which tell you that listening to them while sleeping helps your learning). When you combine this knowledge with the knowledge we get for “Fat V Thin” challenges, we learn that it's better not to face hurricanes in the morning. Or be stuck in north pole in just your swimming costume, or be a passenger on titanic. On the other hand, postpone facing blizzards, or that field trip to desert you always wanted to go on for a morning after a good night's sleep (of course, you can also lose almost 2.5 kg in 4 hours if you are in hurry).

If you can't get on that ride in Disneyland due to height, be there first thing in morning. That way, you can get the help from that added height in morning (or worst case, won't have to wait in line for hours on end before learning the bad news). Also, following things are better out of microwave: a light bulb (of course, the glow is simply great), CD (although it cracks with a beautiful lighting pattern) and a balloon of helium (unless you want the microwave to burst).

If you want to get somewhere in hurry, you can build a hovercraft out of items you get from a store (but don't rely on it to cross The Channel). You can also stick a container of compressed carbon dioxide on it for adding the extra bit of speed, as CO2 has conquered land and water (though space is still conquered by bottled water and compressed air).

But there is a bad news for all of us. If you heard that looking at women's breasts for 30 minutes is equivalent to 30 minutes of exercise, unfortunately it's not so. Also, a duck's quack echoes. And apparently, imagining your interviewers to be nude does not help in case of an attack of interview nerves.

Remember that the cooking oil used in our kitchen is the slipperiest oil, and you can rely on masking tape to hold your weight for almost 20 minutes before giving up. Milk is the best drink if you want to soothe your tongue after that hot and spicy food you ate. Sprouts are the food to avoid if you don't want smelliest f&%t.

Mobiles may not detonate the petrol fumes, but keep your nylon (or synthetic) clothes at home if you want your friendly neighborhood petrol pump to be still in place after you fill 'er up. Unbreakable safes are, unless confronted by a Challenger 2 (in which case, you might as well say good bye to the stuff inside the safe as well as the safe, so that's fat help). But most of the unbreakable household things aren't (of course in normal conditions, they won't have to deal with detonating helium).

For all sportspersons: While it's best to get out of way of a speeding cricket ball or hockey puck, if you want to be a dare-devil, guards are most important thing to wear. Have no sports drink when you are back after playing? Mix equal amounts of HCl and NaOH. And while sports drinks go in faster, lager comes out faster and more.

And finally, remember that easiest recipe to toss a salad, make chips or have a kebab is
1.Mix all ingredients
2.Stick an explosive charge in it.

Now, on to Season 2... Brainiac...

P.S. Check out the Tickle'e Teasers.

The Great Eagle has spoken...

Quote of The Day:
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
- Jon Tickle

Monday, September 18, 2006

A Blog About Blogging...

I promised Nikichan I will do this tag, and I keep my promises...

So, here goes the tag...

  • Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?
    - Look - Not completely, can be improved with some more effort, which I will put in some day.
    Content – not remotely.

  • Does your family know about your blog?
    - Not my parents, but my cousins know about my blog, and read it sometimes (at least that's what they say)

  • Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
    - No, I would like my friends to read this blog. I know most of them don't, which might explain our continued friendship. Still, they don't know what they are missing, and I would like their comments sometimes.

  • Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
    - Reading blogs? Oh definitely. I am much better writer now than I was before I started reading others' blogs. (I bet you can't imagine what a bad writer I was before that now)

  • Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
    - I am Marco Polo and Hiun- Tsiang rolled into one when it comes to blogs...

  • What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
    - I have a visitor count on both my blogs and an account at Google Analytics (which I check at least once a day). Go figure...

  • Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
    - Not real pictures. But yes, I try to imagine how my fellow bloggers would look like (except the ones I already know, no imagination involved there of course)

  • Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
    - When I am down, sad or bored, or when I have something better to do, but don't want to do it, I blog... or read blogs.

  • Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
    - No isolation here. Bloggers blog about real world events (mostly). Of course, given the fact that it is personal POV, I keep a dish of salt near my PC.

  • Does criticism annoying you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
    - Criticism makes me write better, and of course I can just ignore the comments I don't like any time I want ;)

  • Do you fear of some political blogs and avoid them?
    - I don't fear anything, nor do I avoid any blogs as long as they are not seriously political. (Hooked onto “The Colbert Report” currently, so you know my inclinations)

  • Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
    - When I said blogger society is not isolated from real world, I didn't say anything about me. So, which bloggers got arrested? When? Where?

  • Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
    - I would like somebody to push the “Publish” button on my last post (which will be written in anticipation very soon), which would be like my epitaph. And all those who don't comment on that post, you better not believe in ghosts.

  • What do you like to hear? What's the song you like to put its link in your blog?
    - My song? “Main Aisa Kyoon Hoon” - Lakshya. That's what I am. For others though, "Aane Char Aane" - Lage Raho Munnabhai

  • Five bloogers to be the next "victims"?
    - Since I don't want to be a victim, I throw this open. Anybody got time/inclination, do it. Cuckoo, it is not optional for you though ;)

The Great Eagle has spoken...

Quote of The Day:
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A Toast To All My Teachers

On this Teachers' Day, I'd like to propose a toast to all teachers...

  • To my parents, because they are my first teachers

  • To my dear sister, because our reputation of “having least quarrels in siblings” is (if I put it egotistically) 70% because of her (and that's patience for you)

  • To my dear niece, who taught me quickly and effectively that “mama is not supposed to get angry”, among many other things

  • To my cousins and brother-in-law, who taught me how to help others selflessly (and are teaching me even now)

  • To my teachers in primary school, who are even now remembered even if I don't remember what they taught

  • To the teacher in my school, who told me that a good boy like me should not be a friend of my best friend (what she had against him, I don't know)

  • To teachers in my school, who used to explode at the least provocation

  • To teachers for whom we were favorites, because we used to be always fighting for first 3 spots in class

  • To teachers who were our favorite

  • To teachers who tried to teach us everything they knew

  • To teachers to whom nobody used to listen

  • To teachers who held the attention of the class for all the time

  • To teachers, whom nobody used to make fun of

  • To teacher, who informed us in 9th std, that "energy crisis is over" (she might have been talking about the chapter, but the choice of words was a bit unfortunate)

  • To teachers who were fun to be with in the class

  • To my college teachers, who taught me many things besides the subjects they were teaching, in and out of class (ok, mostly out of class)

  • To the teachers whose classes I attended who are more remembered for their teaching styles, and whose idioms have become an essential part of our language now (“Kaltay ka kahi?”)

  • To teachers, who produced some gems like "You will be displayed on notice board" and "we need some power to discharge a capacitor", to ensure we never had a dull moment in class

  • To the teacher, who used to line marofy on girls in our class

  • To teachers, who ensured we had free run of department and labs after office hours, on holidays, anytime we wanted, so that we could learn

  • To teachers, who let us go on our "Industrial Tour" without a cheperon professor, and allowed us to come back 15 days after college started

  • To teachers, who let us use any of departmental facilities for creating our magazine and organizing inter-collegiate events, and never interfered in our preparations, but always were ready to help in any way they could

  • To my friends, each of whom has qualities which I would like to learn

  • To many authors (book- and blog-), who are teaching me a lot about how to write (that shows you what is to come, I still fancy myself as a writer)

  • To Sherlock Holmes, because after all, having a bad student is not teacher's fault

  • To Harry Potter, Prof. Dumbledore, Nanda Pradhan, and countless other characters, reading about whom has never bored me, and I read something new every time I read them

  • and last but not the least, to all my readers, and not just because you must be bored holding the glass by now

To All Teachers....

P.S. Hi people, kindly adjust. Apparently, after moving my blog to blogger beta, I cannot comment on the blogs which have not shifted. I can still comment on blogs where blogger account is not needed for commenting, but please to forgive, if I am not able to comment on your posts, at least till Blogger solves this or till you shift to beta.

P.P.S. Kindly adjust again... Thanks to Keshi's suggestion (and Blogger team's too) I have opened a new blogger account just to comment on non-beta blogs (which will be deleted when all blogs move to beta, which blogger team tells me is imminent). So in recent future, if you see somebody named "alias fleiger" commenting on your blog, as you can see, it is my alias.

The Great Eagle has spoken...

Quote of The Day:
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
- William Arthur Ward

Saturday, September 02, 2006

The Case of Missing Duckling

After this, we decided to raid the studio in order to see the filming of new and improved “Tom and Jerry” episode. But unfortunately, studio was completely sealed to outsiders, and so we could only sneak some hears into the filming. Since there are very few dialogs and almost entire time there is background music playing in cartoon, apparently shouting is allowed on set while filming is on, as long as it is the director who is shouting. In the glorious past [sic] “the shouts of the characters were also allowed and encouraged, as it is very hard to dub the shouts later”, an insider told us later.

We reached the studio to hear the director shouting at the lion, “What are you roaring for? Didn't you get the script? Just smile, you don't want to scare away the children. That's right...” After some time, he was heard directing Tom on his scene, “Why are you looking around the hall? You can't take a nap now, you lazy cat. Do you want our viewers to get lazy? Go ahead, start drinking your milk like a good boy, I mean cat.”

“Ok Jerry, come out of your hole. Why are you peeking like that? No, he won't pounce on you now, you know that. Come out and go to him. No, no kicking, and don't even try to sneak into the fridge. Tom will share his sandwich with you...”

At this point, we spotted a guard, and hid in shadows till he passed by. Next time we got there, we heard the director shouting, “Tom, leave the duckling alone... You are not supposed to eat it now. Jerry catch him, and give him some water. I told you Tom, you are not supposed to run there. Can't you see all of us holding thess big “NO” banners?” At this time, a voice (that was the cameraman, who was exasperated at the idea of shooting the scene again, we found out later) stopped him, “Can't we just keep the scene? I mean, it looked from here like they were both rushing to help the duckling.”

Again the guard, we lost almost 5 minutes again trying to hide. We got back to hear, “Hey, watch where you are landing. You ARE landing, not snatching the duckling, nor the mouse. Just land beside them, and offer your help. Remember your contract. Yes, yes, help them... You know, with power comes responsibility and all that stuff...”

This time, the guard spotted us first. We ran him a merry chase, and just came back in time for, “Tom, no stealing the eggs, remember? And Hen, you are not supposed to peck him. Leave that for your husband. Why are you calling him for? Oh, leave the pecking for later. And you Mr. Rooster, get your sleeves down, no bashing the cat, remember?”

We looked up just in time to see a full company of guards running towards us, and decided that whatever stuff we had till then was enough for the fans. We ran off, and watched from a safe distance Tom chasing Jerry into sunset, both laughing madly. Looks like at least something is going to be the same in new cartoons...

P.S. Apparently, Tom and Tom and Jerry signed their resignation letters (which were forwarded to the new producers along with the entire crews') just after the shooting, and the chasing scene was not a scene. “It was almost like we were filming in good old days” our insider source added later, wiping his tears...

The Great Eagle has spoken...

Quote of The Day:
The dirtiest book of all is the expurgated book.
- Walt Whitman