30 Second Summaries - Bonus Edition

a.k.a. “I am feeling too lazy to write anything else” edition

 

In today's busy world, the attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. In the world of information superhighways and consequent information overloads, people don't have time to read long pages and pages of reviews of the movies they want to watch (or sometimes, even to see the actual movies), when they can just as well spend that time doing something else.

That’s why, just reading this post (investment of around 5 minutes + 1 minute for commenting) makes sure you can talk about movies which have a total viewing period of about 8-10 hours. Plus, there’s a bonus thought per movie, which makes you sound even more “deep and thoughtful” in any conversation.

So, what are you waiting for?

Dil Bole Hadippa:

Happenings in a supposedly friendly match: sledging, deliberate obstruction leading to injury, gender fraud, (which also means) identity fraud. And to top it all off, unless I am much mistaken, there’s a passport/visa fraud in there, too.

I guess it’s true Cricket is no longer the Gentleman’s Game.

Bonus thought: This, plus “Rab ne bana di jodi” means, in YRF universe, the superheroes would never need a mask, since nobody would recognise them anyways when they change into their “costume”. (And people think Lois Lane is blind)

 

Wanted:

“Wanted” has an assassin as its main character. Unfortunately, he cannot (as far as we know) curve any bullets. Which is surprising given how laws of Physics normally work in Bollywood masala.

Bonus thought: What do you think Shreyas Talpade is more embarrassed about: “Bombay To Bangkok” or sharing name with Mahesh Manjrekar’s character in this movie?

What’s your rashee?:

For the guys: Irrespective of your (and her) rashee, you will finally end up with Priyanka Chopra.

For the girls: Depending on your rashee, you may finally end up with Herman Baweja.

Bonus thought: Multiple (unrelated) characters with same face? Does this film belong in YRF universe? (see “Dil Bole…” above for details)

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

 

P.S. Some other 30 second summaries: Aug ’09, May ’09 and Dec ’08.

30 Second Summaries – Mixed Edition

Once again, we bring you the bestest and latest news in the entertainment world. And like all good things, except chocolates and ice cream, our summaries come in small, (non-digital) bite-sized packets.

You know, for those times when everybody in the group is talking about the movie you have just heard of, and you have to come up with a comment quickly before “somebody” thinks you are so ignorant. So whip out that now-old-news iPhone and…

…dive into this August (as in month, not the other meaning) Edition of 30-second Summaries:

Love Aaj Kal:

They say the dhai akshar prem ke of yore have today been replaced by 2 syllables of “Love” (kinda like how we replaced long movie reviews with 30 second summaries here, I guess).

They also say Saif Ali Khan looks like young Hrishi Kapoor from certain (camera) angles.

Agyaat:

For completely agyaat reasons,

1. film crews continue to go into creepy forests with no means of quick escape.
2. and against all reasonable laws of jungle, young females continue to go into deep forest quite alone, often wearing nothing more than bikinis or shorts.
3. ditto for men, although, praise the gods, they do it dressed more sensibly in most cases.
4. RGV continues to use loud background music in places where silence would have served a whole lot better.

G. I. Joe:

Seriously? You want the story of G. I. Joe movie? So be it. A young man finds himself torn between his duty to his country and his lost love, the tragic love story painted on the canvas of today’s world full of hate and violence, betrayal and greed.

All right, here’s the straight and narrow: G. I. Joe foils the plans for world domination by the ruthlesss terrorist organization Cobra, led by Cobra Commander, who is supported by Destro and his M.A.R.S. Industries. <EOS> Yo, Joe!

Now go forth and be knowledgeable, my friend. Then come back when you have time and tell us in comments how you fared.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. And when you have time, you may want to check out the old editions: May ’09 and Dec ’08.

Those Frakking Toasters messed with my mind

…and now, the Battlestar Galactica intro plays thus in my mind:

Sorry for that. As you may have guessed, I have been watching some BSG lately. And one question I have everytime I watch that intro is, why “toasters”? Why not something else, say… microwaves? Or lawn-mowers? Vacuum cleaners? What dastardly rebellion can a toaster plot against humanity?

No, I am not obsessing over it. Whatever made you think that?

I was planning to continue “Detectives” series, but random timepass and bad jokes triumph over well researched posts any day on this site. So Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast will have to wait for another day to make an appearance here.

Till then,

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. Want to fill in the blanks and make that into a video? Drop me a line.

Harry Potter in Technicolor, With Dolby Surround Sound

With “Harry Potter and Half-Blood Prince” coming up, I am reading up on my HP lore, as I am wont to do. And as my history with fantasy series probably warns you, I started thinking how Harry Potter series is another example of how Bollywood Masala genre is much more pervasive than we give it credit for.

“How?” you ask? (OK, I asked the question for you this time. Next time around though…) The series has:

• Crazy villain, his lair, and dressed henchmen: Hey, Lord Voldermort’s got noseless face with slit eyes. His Death Eaters dress in long black robes, cover their faces with masks, and have got snake tattoos on their forearms. Can it get more masala villainish than this? (OK, it can, see below).

  Plus, I know Malfoy Manor appeared late in series, but it has live peacocks and dungeons. What more do you want in a lair?

• Comic sideplot: I dare you, show me any comedy team who can beat The Weasleys, Fred and George. And then you get other Weasley brothers throwing in their two bits (Ron, anyone?), and we can make it a family business.

• College romances: Hero’s bumbling friend falls in love with his nerdy friend. If hero’s friend has a sister and she lives till the end unmolested by the villain, the hero is bound to end up with her. Hero falls for the college beauty queen, only to realize he truly belongs with the girl next door. Have I forgotten any Masala stereotypes?

  OK, so it is more school romance than college one. But then, a. western kids and/or b. today’s kids age quicker and have girlefriends/boyfriends in school.

  Oh yeah, a moon-earth-sun kinda situation, but it is more due to magic gone wrong than intentional, so I won’t count it.

• Parental sacrifices: You can actually watch HP dubbed in Hindi, with both Harry’s parents going “Nahin, mere bete ko mat maro”, without feeling that you are watching something foreign.

But still, something is missing from this story to make it a full-fledged Bolly-masala flick.

• Lost twin brother: Any good masala film has to have a lost twin.

  Here’s how it would play out: When Lord Voldemort tried to kill Harry, his twin brother Larry (is there any other name rhyming with Harry?) was picked up by some Death Eaters. They raised him as their own, put him in Durmstrang, and raised him on the pureblood supremacy doctrine. They also named him Ambrosius or something like that, which probably didn’t help him any more than his original name.

  Years later, he came across Harry while fighting with the Death Eaters. They recognized each other by the identical scars on opposite sides of their faces. Larry then sacrifices his life in place of Harry.

  Unless he has a “good” girlfriend, in which case, he is redeemed by fighting for the good side.

• “Love” sacrifices: OK, Ginny is Ron’s sister, and The Hero does not sacrifice his love for his sidekick (not at the end, at least). So, we can have Ron and Harry fall in love with Cho Chang (or how about Fleur, if it must come to that), before realizing who their (respective) actual love is.

• Item numbers (“Weasley is our king” does not count). Malfoy Manor has rotating tortured prisoners, but no dancing vamps.

Now let me scrubs the images of Bellatrix and Narcissa dancing from my head. But till then, have I missed anything?

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

Dinosaurs, and time travel…

Because one thing Jurassic Park lacked, was time machines. And hence, to bridge that gap, we have the British sci-fi drama, Primeval (BBC Site).

Prof. Nick Cutter is a Professor of Palaeontology, who is more interested in the mysteries which cannot be explained by Darwin than conventional studies. His student, Connor Temple, tells him about a giant predator sighted near the Forest of Dean. What Connor is unaware of is that Cutter’s wife, Helen Cutter went missing 8 years ago in the same area, where she was investigating another creature sighting.

Cutter, followed by his lab assistant Stephan Hart and Connor, quickly establish that the animal is really unknown, really huge, and apparently, really bad-tempered, with muscles and talons to match. On the other hand, a reptile specialist Abby Metland is searching the forest for the origin of an entirely new gliding reptile species. And Claudia Brown, a Home Office agent is looking for Cutter to debunk the rumours of giant predator in the forest.

What they all chance upon is something they haven’t imagined: a temporal anomaly, which temporarily connects the modern day Forest to late Permian era. And while the impromptu team manages to send back the creature that came through this anomaly, that is just the beginning. And the things which will come through next are a whole lot worse.

The nature of the show almost begs comparison with the other BBC sci-fi shows: Torchwood and the touchstone of all sci-fi, Doctor Who. While it’s to each his/her own in most other areas, Primeval does score over both in terms of special effects. Although some creatures do seem to move jerkily, I am not sure whether it was the animation or the actual gait of the creature.

I can go on about the traditional team composition in the show, how you don’t need Doctor Who absence as excuse to see this, and so on. But the meat of this series to me is:

The time-travel nature of the show makes it much closer to the Doctor Who, and raises similar questions about the concept, e.g. what we the insiders call Grandfather paradox. Doctor Who solves this problem of meddling in a divine fashion¹. Primeval has a more mundane, or more twisted (depending on your view) solution for this.

(Kinda, sorta, maybe Spoilers Ahead)

I once read somewhere (has to be some sci-fi story), that impact of any ordinary event on the timeline is smoothed over within 400 years².

Which is why when some changes in the ancient past erase a character from timeline, the person reappears although with a different name, different personality, but same face. Although, it might be that they didn’t want two very similar characters in the team, and add more conventional diversity, but the logic behind the change goes a lot deeper than the traditional evil twin or “hit his head and got amnesia”³.

On the same lines, if you watch closely, any change or impact on timeline ends up in a. for a single possible timeline, “been there, done that” b. for those who believe in multiverse, the forks taken for the current reality. So, the attempts of a character to change the future make that future more plausible, and attempts to change the past are already part of the history.

Yes, once you figure it out, many “Big!” plot points are intuitive, which is why I put up the spoiler warning. But believe me, that doesn’t take away one bit from the enjoying the show.

(End of Spoilers)

Oh yeah, you would probably want to watch the series before you watch the upcoming movie.

Watching this show, many will once again wonder why British sci-fi series tend to be more intense and dramatic than their mainly action-oriented American counterparts (even counting occasional Eureka and Sanctuary).

But my question is, can we expect good science fiction shows on Indian television any time soon, or should we just give up and go back to our routine of soaps, comedy/reality and cricket?

 

- The Great Eagle has spoken

P.S. Previously, I wrote about "Brainiac: Science abuse", and "Yes, Minister/Yes, Prime Minister".

Notes:

1. The Doctor, as a Time Lord, has complete knowledge of proper timeline, past and future, and only intervenes in case of any deviations.

2. Or possibly 40 generations. Forgot the exact figure. Help welcome. Of course, this doesn’t count catastrophes or events such as say, premature death of all dinosaurs, or of the first Homo Sapien. We will see what happens to our timeline re: Dodo.

3. Which is another thing I like about British serials. e.g. how wonderfully changing the main actor in Doctor Who is explained, without affecting the storyline or the show.