Me Do Science...

Sometimes I feel, I haven't given full justice to my new status as a "Master" of science (note the capitals please). Also, I don't think I harp enough on the fact that my IQ puts me in the Genius region.

But you should know that although you don't read about it, doesn't mean that I don't have a science lab at my home.

Just to give you an example, remember how you feel when a fly thinks he/she is Maverick and uses your ears as control tower¹? Well, I am sure during the afternoon nap, the irritation factor goes up tenfold. Now, a normal person would have gotten out of bed and tried to shoo away the fly. The benevolent scientist that I am, I decided to invent something to catch flies.

I envisioned some kind of adhesive polymer² which only sticks to flies, and which will engulf them enough to impede their fast flight. Being a systematic person, I set off checking the items off my list.

First off, I got my mad-scientist laugh ready for when I finished my invention, and my shy-scientist smile for when I would accept the numerous awards and felicitations. Then I started listing all the ingredients, and started planning the experiments.

First on my list: find which substance sticks to a fly, and not tangle in the user's hair. That's when I realised, I had gotten myself into kind of "recipe for rabbit-stew"³ position. There was only one fly available there, and it was zooming around my head.

At this point, the programmer in me saw a big infinite look looming ahead, and aborted the whole program.


- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

Notes:
1. i.e. buzz around your ear. Come on, you didn't get that Top Gun reference? What kind of movies have you been watching?
2. Read: sticky webby substance.
3. You know the one I am talking about, right? The one which starts (or rather, should start) with "Catch a rabbit"...

Quote of The Day:

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'
- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)

What Happens In Your Bedroom At Night?

What is the best thing to do in bed at night? What are the things you should not stick in your microwave oven? What are the things that go “boom”? How much weight can you lose in 4 hours? Does the duck's quack echo? What is the best thing to drink after eating hot and spicy food? Do you really believe in science?

If you have these and similar questions, watch “Brainiac: Science Abuse”... the program where they abuse science in the name of entertainment. Or in their own words, “the program where we put science in tight underwear and give it a wedgie”.

I caught the program first when I was in Germany. Flipping channels and ruing the shortcomings in my education (to wit, not having learnt German), I came across a British program, which started off with a bang, literally. And from then on, me and my friends were totally hooked onto the program. Of course, I think it is prudent to mention that the beauties in “Explosive of the week” or the pretty professor who sees “Which fruit floats” had nothing to do with our fascination (OK, very little to do).

After coming back to India and then in US, I constantly surfed the radio waves, trying to find a channel which shows this program. Not much success, although there were some similar program on US Discovery channel (Mythbusters). I was really missing this program... and finally, after much searching I finally got the first season. Party time folks...

Now, before you flag me for “adult content”, let me tell you (at least the people who have read so far), that the answer to the question in subject line is that you lose weight (though sweating) and gain height (and also, don't believe in cassettes which tell you that listening to them while sleeping helps your learning). When you combine this knowledge with the knowledge we get for “Fat V Thin” challenges, we learn that it's better not to face hurricanes in the morning. Or be stuck in north pole in just your swimming costume, or be a passenger on titanic. On the other hand, postpone facing blizzards, or that field trip to desert you always wanted to go on for a morning after a good night's sleep (of course, you can also lose almost 2.5 kg in 4 hours if you are in hurry).

If you can't get on that ride in Disneyland due to height, be there first thing in morning. That way, you can get the help from that added height in morning (or worst case, won't have to wait in line for hours on end before learning the bad news). Also, following things are better out of microwave: a light bulb (of course, the glow is simply great), CD (although it cracks with a beautiful lighting pattern) and a balloon of helium (unless you want the microwave to burst).

If you want to get somewhere in hurry, you can build a hovercraft out of items you get from a store (but don't rely on it to cross The Channel). You can also stick a container of compressed carbon dioxide on it for adding the extra bit of speed, as CO2 has conquered land and water (though space is still conquered by bottled water and compressed air).

But there is a bad news for all of us. If you heard that looking at women's breasts for 30 minutes is equivalent to 30 minutes of exercise, unfortunately it's not so. Also, a duck's quack echoes. And apparently, imagining your interviewers to be nude does not help in case of an attack of interview nerves.

Remember that the cooking oil used in our kitchen is the slipperiest oil, and you can rely on masking tape to hold your weight for almost 20 minutes before giving up. Milk is the best drink if you want to soothe your tongue after that hot and spicy food you ate. Sprouts are the food to avoid if you don't want smelliest f&%t.

Mobiles may not detonate the petrol fumes, but keep your nylon (or synthetic) clothes at home if you want your friendly neighborhood petrol pump to be still in place after you fill 'er up. Unbreakable safes are, unless confronted by a Challenger 2 (in which case, you might as well say good bye to the stuff inside the safe as well as the safe, so that's fat help). But most of the unbreakable household things aren't (of course in normal conditions, they won't have to deal with detonating helium).

For all sportspersons: While it's best to get out of way of a speeding cricket ball or hockey puck, if you want to be a dare-devil, guards are most important thing to wear. Have no sports drink when you are back after playing? Mix equal amounts of HCl and NaOH. And while sports drinks go in faster, lager comes out faster and more.

And finally, remember that easiest recipe to toss a salad, make chips or have a kebab is
1.Mix all ingredients
2.Stick an explosive charge in it.


Now, on to Season 2... Brainiac...


P.S. Check out the Tickle'e Teasers.


The Great Eagle has spoken...

Quote of The Day:
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
- Jon Tickle

The Brain....

Was reading "Bracco's Brain" by Carl Sagan yesterday... some cool stuff about the capacity of brain, size of info in universe and all...

He mentions that brain can only contain some 10^15 bits of info... pretty small, huh??? And after that is filled, every new bit of info replaces some old bit... Wonder if the brain uses FIFO or some other algo?

So supposing you have your brain filled, the next time you watch "informative stuff" like "predators" on discovery, you are forgetting something about String and Set you learnt earlier... So you need to learn it again, and in the process you are forgetting Swing and AWT... Looks like Govinda movies are the only safe stuff to watch if you love your job, as they dont need you to use your brain...

Think good ol' Sherlock got it correct.. "Brain is not stretacble bag, its more like attic. So you need to make room for the stuff you learn."... (Hell... I forgot the exact quote... result of too much JAVA maybe)...

So all in all, I am off to think of something I can forget to make some room for the J2EE stuff I am supposed to learn...

Out of the Mind... continues...

Talking about out of the mind, is it similar to when we say "the pantry is out of coffee" (nightmare...)???? If that is so, then how do we measure "mind"?

I mean, to say you are out of something... errr, that is to say something is finished, you should be able to measure it somehow, feel it so that you can fill it up again.

So what is the unit of "mind"? Is it "grams of brain" or "number of thoughts" or something like this?

And where do I get mind to fill if I find myself somehow out of the mind I had? Is my mind compatible with other minds, or do we have some kind of mind groups like blood groups?

Out of The Mind!!!!

Hey, why does everybody ask you if you are out of mind????

I mean, come on... by definition, your mind resides in you as a whole.. so obviously you are out of your mind... in fact, this proves that everybody IS out of his/her mind...

So what's the big deal about it????