Kabira Speaking…

 

I know how it looks that I am posting a list of Bollywood movie dialogs after posting a huge list of TV shows I watch. Then again, I need to write something on this blog, if only to let people know that there is someone still at home. So, thanks Rayshma for pushing the lazy me to take up this tag. I needed something to kick-start the writing part of my brain after that wonderfully relaxing, 3 weeks long India trip (had to put that in somewhere to gloat).

The rules.

1. On your blog, provide a link to this page. (http://greatbong.net/book).
2. Then write down your top 10 Hindi movie lines or top 10 English movie lines (You can do both if you want. Only one set is required for the contest). If you cannot think of top 10, make it top 5. Cannot think of even 5? Make it top 3. No problem. Only restriction: no two lines from same movie. This done to make it fair for other movies so that they dont get swamped by Gunda or Loha or Sholay.
3. Tag five friends to do the same.
4. Come over to the comment-space of this post and post your blog’s link so I can go and read it.

And here’s my list:

1. Mere Karan-Arjun ayenge. – Karan Arjun (Probably the most parodied line in Bollywood history)
2. Adami teen, aur goli chhe, bahut na insaafi hai. – Sholay (or maybe, it’s this one, not #2)
3. Mere paas… maa hai. – Deewar (This line is also in the competition, folks)
4. Rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagte hain, naam hai Shehenshah. – Shehenshah(OK, the competition is getting tougher now).
5. Pura naam, Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, baap ka naam, Dinanath Chauhan, Maa ka naam, Suhasini Chauhan, Gaon Mandwa. Umar Chatiis saal, .... – Agneepath (One more candidate? Count how many of these movies had Big B in it.)

OK, this is turning into a parody baits list. So here are 5 more, more plain lines:

1. Shant gadadhari bheem, shant. – Jaane bhi do yaaro
2. Ye jo chhe foot ka ek adami hain na, katkar teen-teen foot ke do bana doonga. – Munnabhai M.B.B.S.
3. Tere kutte ke tukde-tukde karke teri poti ko khila denge. – Hera pheri
4. Khandani chor hoon. Aya hoon, kuch to leke jaoonga – Andaz apna apna (Crime Master Gogo ke karname…)
5. Are usne teri khuddari ko lalkara hai, yaar. Kya kar raha hai. Mard ban, be a man. – Dil chahta hai (Get ready to try this on your engaged/married friends this 14th Feb.)

Umm, anybody can pick it up, check out the link in rule #1 for the incentive.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

I do TV

So, Pitu and Amrita did this post. And since I have no idea for any new posts at the moment, I think I might as well go ahead and take it up.

Statutory warning: Most of the shows listed below are offline right now. I have marked the ones on screen right now which I follow regularly (as against catching up once in while), and you can see, the percentage is pretty low. Plus, like shoe sizes, 2 seasons of a British show = 1 season on US TV. What I am saying is, just because I watch Doctor Who and Scrubs on repeat once in a while doesn’t mean I need medical help.

Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, the rules are pretty simple:

1. Bold all of the following TV shows which you’ve ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime.
2. Italicize a show if you’re positive you’ve seen every episode of it.
3. Highlight new additions with an Underline. ( I added some BBC and Scifi/syfy shows which were missing from the list)

24 * 30 Rock 90210 7th Heaven ALF Alias American Gothic American Idol America’s Got Talent America’s Next Top Model Angel Arrested Development Babylon 5 Batman: The Animated Series Batman Beyond/Batman of the Future Battlestar Galactica (the old one) Battlestar Galactica (the new one) Baywatch Beverly Hills 90210 (original) Benidorm Bewitched Big Love Black Adder (Rowan Atkinson + Stephen Fry + Hugh Laurie – Mr. Bean = Great Comedy) Bonanza * Bones Bosom Buddies Boston Legal Boy Meets World Breaking Bad Brothers And Sisters Buffy the Vampire Slayer Burn Notice Californication * Castle Catherine Tate Show Chappelle’s Show Charlie’s Angels Charmed Cheers * Chuck (I am going to miss first few episodes of season 3) Clarissa Explains it All Columbo Commander in Chief Crossing Jordan CSI CSI: Miami CSI: NY Curb Your Enthusiasm Dark Angel Dark Skies DaVinci’s Inquest Dawson’s Creek Dead Like Me Deadwood Degrassi: The Next Generation Designing Women Desperate Housewives Dexter Dharma & Greg Different Strokes Dirty Sexy Money * Doctor Who (OK, the 2005 series, not the original series) Dragnet Due South ER * Eureka (you are missing something if you haven’t been to Eureka) Everwood Everybody Loves Raymond Extras Facts of Life Family Guy Farscape Fawlty Towers Felicity Firefly * FlashForward Frasier Freaks & Geeks Friday Night Lights Friends * Fringe Futurama Gavin and Stacey Get Smart Gilligan’s Island Gilmore Girls Glee Gossip Girl Grey’s Anatomy Grange Hill Growing Pains Gunsmoke

Happy Days Harry Hill’s TV Burp Have I Got News For You Hercules: the Legendary Journeys Heroes Home Improvement Homicide: Life on the Street * House How I Met Your Mother Ideal I Dream of Jeannie I Love Lucy Invader Zim Invasion Hell’s Kitchen JAG Jackass Joey Kim Possible King of Queens Knight Rider Knight Rider: 2008 Kung Fu Kung Fu: The Legend Continues La Femme Nikita LA Law Laverne and Shirley Law and Order Law and Order: SVU Law and Order: CI Legend of the Seeker Leverage Lie To Me Little Britain Little House on the Prairie Live At Appollo Lizzie McGuire Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman Lost Lost in Space MASH MacGyver Mad Men Malcolm in the Middle Married… With Children McLeod’s Daughters Melrose Place Merlin Miami Vice Misfits Mission: Impossible Mock The Week Modern Family Mod Squad Moonlight (It has a mopey vampire in love with a mortal girl) Monk (Series finale was just this month) Mork & Mindy Murphy Brown My Life As A Dog My Three Sons My Two Dads * Mythbusters (I have seen a lot, just not sure all the episodes) * NCIS * NCIS: Los Angeles (Like CSI, NCIS is going places now) Ned Bigby’s Declassified School Survival Guide Nip/Tuck * Numb3rs One Tree Hill Oz Perry Mason Power Rangers Press Gang Primaeval (dinosaurs + time travel) Prison Break Private Practice Privileged Profiler Project Runway * Psych Pushing Daisies QI Quantum Leap Queer As Folk (US) Queer as Folk (UK) ReGenesis Remington Steele Rescue Me Road Rules Robin Hood ROME Roseanne Roswell Royal Pains * Sanctuary Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?

* Scrubs Seaquest DSV Seinfeld Sex and the City Six Feet Under Slings and Arrows Smallville So Weird South of Nowhere South Park So You Think You Can Dance Spaced Spongebob Squarepants St. Elsewhere Star Trek Star Trek: The Next Generation Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Star Trek: Voyager Star Trek: Enterprise Stargate Atlantis Stargate SG-1 * Stargate Universe Starsky & Hutch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Hey, I still think it is nice) Superman Supernatural Surface Survivor Taxi Teen Titans That 70’s Show That’s So Raven The 4400 The Addams Family The Amazing Race The Andy Griffith Show The A-Team The Avengers The Beverly Hillbillies * The Big Bang Theory The Brady Bunch The Colbert Report The Cosby Show The Daily Show The Dead Zone The Dick Van Dyke Show The Flintstones The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air The F Word The Golden Girls The Honeymooners The Jeffersons The Jetsons The L Word The Love Boat The Magnificent Seven The Mary Tyler Moore Show * The Mentalist The Monkees The Munsters The O.C. The Office (UK) * The Office (US) The Peep Show The Powerpuff Girls The Pretender The Real World The Shield The Simpsons The Six Million Dollar Man The Sopranos The Suite Life of Zack and Cody The Thin Blue Line (seriously, Rowan Atkinson is funny when he is not Mr. Bean) The Twilight Zone The Waltons The West Wing The Wire The Wonder Years The X Factor The X-Files Third Watch Three’s Company Top Chef Top Gear Torchwood True Blood Twin Peaks Twitch City Unfabulous Ugly Betty Veronica Mars Weeds Who Dare Wins Whose Line is it Anyway? (US) Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK) Will and Grace Wings Xena: Warrior Princess

So, what’s your score on the chart?

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

The other shoe is in hand

For last few months, we at the Aerie Institute have been waiting for some enterprising company to pick up a brilliant business idea which has been making regular news. Unfortunately, either due to recession, or some other reason, nobody has picked up on it. So, we thought, why not us?

Imagine the scenario: you are sitting in a press conference given by a Famous Person, and fuming at the way things are going in there. You want to vent, but almost everything a journalist has at hand (including the journalist himself) makes for a very poor projectile weapon. And  before you know it, you are suddenly walking unbalanced, with just one shoe on.

That’s why, we are proud to present: Feko Shoe.

Each Feko shoe is manufactured with carefully tested toe to heel ratio, and extensively researched aerodynamic profile which give it the best flight characteristics. Studies have shown Feko shoes get 80% more range and 50% more accuracy than normal shoes*.

Another disturbing trend can be noticed in the news: none of the shoes in the news have hit the target. Which is why there is Feko Premium, armed with “Throw and Forget ^TM” technology. With one flick of a switch, the Feko Premium will hit the speaker with unerring accuracy. The target can be locked on manually quite easily (so that you don’t end up standing up with a shoe in your hand, looking like an idiot), or the automatic targeting system will take over in case there is no manual input. Want to vent, but don’t want violence? No worries. Just turn the switch to “Miss” and the shoe will miss the target very closely, no matter what.

Both the standard and premium versions come in easy to carry collapsed form, which can be easily popped up into action readiness. After all, you don’t want to carry a shoe box with you everywhere, do you now? Plus, the faux leather material is completely bio-degradable, making the shoe quite environment friendly.

As a buyer of Feko Shoe, you also get a chance to enroll in our Shoe Throwing training, where experts from military and sports field will teach you to be the perfect shoe thrower. Our instructors may not have thrown any shoes, but believe us, they have accurately chucked quite a few solid objects at their targets in their career.

Please note the singular in all the paragraphs before. After all, with Feko, you don’t need to carry a backup to get your point across.

But for the cautious and overzealous amongst you, as a limited time offer, every Feko Premium purchase gives you a 50% discount on another Feko Premium. Having a pair is always better than a single shoe. Who knows, you may want to wear them at some point of time for some reason.

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. Don’t forget to check out our “Shoe Avoidance Force Filed” products. After all, that Feko shoe is going to make you into a Famous Person.

P.P.S. Want more career advice from Aerie Institute? Here’s your intro to “Effigy Burning” and “Spamming 101” (and Updated course).

 

* Under test conditions

Sachin: Great batsman, or Greatest batsman?

A few weeks ago, somebody took an exception to the constant usage of media’s pet phrase: “there are two Indias, one who XYZ and one who XYA” (fill in the blanks as appropriate). His point was that diversity in India can’t allow for such simple bisection. I replied:

There ARE just two Indias: One who think Sachin is a God, other who don’t.

Mind you, this was before the 175-run knock. But those who saw that piece of batting display would probably be wondering whether they were back watching Sharjah in ‘98, watching the same man demolish Australian (the same side) bowling, while the rest of the team (again) stands by thinking this is a one-man show. Not to mention, occasional wins aside, we are still being badly beaten by the same #1 side, Australia.

Well, if it is really 1998-‘99, it means I haven’t yet given my 12th std. exams, my engineering and grad school is in future, so is my first and second job. We have yet to see the greats like “Yaadein” (remember that one?) and “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna”, while Ram Gopal Verma has just one “Daud” in a line-up of Shiva, Rangeela and Satya. Then again, while my colleagues would agree that having 4 more months in Hyderabad is fun, and I am pretty comfortable about undergrad and grad school, I am not so sure I will get anywhere near the marks I got in 12th std. again. Wow, that particular fantasy didn’t last long.

So, let’s get back to the point. Before and after that knock, there has been (once again) a plethora of articles about Sachin, his place in team, his greatest hits and misses and so on. Many of his critics accuse him of playing a selfish game, point out that his first 7 runs (the ones he needed to get to 17000 mark) were very slow. Personally, I think a player who is playing for himself, not the team won’t score 168 runs after he has achieved a personal milestone. He will probably check out of the game mentally and be far away from the crease by the next ball. And seriously, if a mentally checked out Sachin plays an innings like this, I wish he would do it more often and more batsmen should start playing selfish games like him.

The other criticism is that even when he scores big, he rarely stays there till the end of the game. Then again, what says about our team when a batting line up comprising of 5 of top-50 players in ICC batting ranks (including #1) cannot together equal a single player’s contribution? One player overshadowing the entire team happens in other sports and other teams too, though I don’t believe it happens with such regularity.

So, while the critics point out his batting lows, his low strike rate series, his propensity to make one huge knock to “silence the critics” once in a while, I will reiterate my original point:

Sachin Tendulkar is a God of the cricketing population in India.

Then again, let me put that statement in perspective: Sachin is an Indian, a Hindu. And our Hindu Gods are not exactly known for their infallibility, are they? I mean, except for some notable exceptions (Ganesh), our mythology is filled with gods making mistakes, falling prey to all too human emotions (Indra, anyone?). So, cut that guy some slack. Losing against a few asuras (due entirely to the boons you gave them earlier) is all right once in a while, if on other occasions you are essentially lifting entire mountains on your hand, or decimating entire asura armies single-handed.

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. This post is just a space-filler till I get back to regular programming, whatever that means for this blog.

P.P.S. Re: The header, I am aware of the futility of having “Greatest ever” debate unless it really is end of the universe for once and all. But viewers of Colbert will know where that question came from.

Exception to most of the rules

After a long break, both from blogging and the series, I think it is time we get back to the Detectives series. This time, it’s a detective who proves to be the exception to a great many rules.

Aloysius Pendergast

His Name: Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast

His Watson: (Mostly) Lt. Vincent D’Agosta

His Moriarty: (Mostly) Diogenes Pendergast

Unlike most of the book characters in the series, Special Agent Pendargast, FBI, is officially paid to solve crimes. Of course, officially he is supposed to work out of New Orleans office, but that doesn’t stop him running across the country solving the crimes he finds interesting.

Unlike the detectives living from case to case, Pendergast’s inheritance includes, apart from his prodigious mental capacity, a not inconsiderable wealth. Born and bred a Southern Gentleman, Aloysius’ mannerisms belong more to the era of Holmes and Poirot than the current crop of roguish PIs. Of course, he is also aware of his “small character flaws”, like being impatient with bureaucracy and dislike of officious fools, which he declares are hard to get rid of.

Almost albino pale skin, with his characteristic Italian black suits give him an aura of impenetrable mystery, yet for a lone man, he is extremely loyal to his few friends. He has put his own life in danger for them, and also expects (and gets) similar loyalty from them.

Many times, his brother Diogenes as related to him is compared to Moriarty. Personally, despite their relative ages, I think he is more like if “His Majesty’s accountant” Mycroft Holmes had taken on a career of crime. But given Pendergast’s other family members (his great aunt is incarcerated in a psychological institute after she poisoned her family), Aloysius as a federal agent is more of an exception than the rule in his family of geniuses.

Most of Aloysius Pendergast’s cases almost belong in supernatural world. From mythical South American tribal creatures, to old Egyptian mummies, he investigates bizarre cases involving zombies, ritualistic murders and immortal foes. Surprisingly, most of the cases take him to New York, and make you think twice before visiting the city, or Natural History Museum there. 

 

- The Great Eagle Has Spoken

P.S. The rest in “Detectives” series…